Bro-Reviews: Wish Upon

Wish upon a better movie.

As it pertains to the horror film genre, there’s very little material out there that is new and original. Filmmakers have resorted to taking tried and tired premises and repeating them over and over again in the hopes that younger audiences who have not seen these premises before will be fooled into thinking the material they are being presented with is something that’s never been done before. Once again, Hollywood producers are trying to hoodwink and bamboozle audiences, and their latest attempt to trick us has come in the form of a new “horror” film, Wish Upon, from upstart distributor Broad Green Pictures.

Wish Upon sees Claire Shannon (Joey King) struggling through life ever since her mother committed suicide when she was a child. Her high school life is also a chore, as she is unpopular, bullied and goes unnoticed by her crush. One day, her hoarder father Jonathan (Ryan Phillippe) stumbles upon an ancient Chinese music box, which Claire learns grants wishes and turns them into reality. After making wishes that change her life for the better, bloody terror breaks out and hurts the ones she cares for. Claire must then solve the mystery of how to make the carnage stop before it’s too late.

This is an exact replica of “The Monkey’s Paw”. For the uninitiated, “The Monkey’s Paw” was a book by W.W. Jacobs published in 1902 that has since been adapted into numerous films, with the basic premise being three different people can hold the monkey’s paw item and it will grant them three different wishes. While the wishes come true, there is a blood price for the ones who made the wishes to pay since they are altering fate. Wish Upon takes this premise and puts it in a high-school setting, resulting in one of the most embarrassing blunders ever released in theaters.

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Joey King is a fine young actress and does what she can with the material, but she comes across as a junkie who hasn’t had her fix in the film. I firmly believe the filmmakers kidnapped poor Ryan Phillippe after he went out on an all night drinking-bender and just threw him onscreen, as throughout the film he looks as if he is crying for help and wondering where his once promising career has gone. Jerry O’ Connell also appears in the film for about 30 seconds, making me wonder if he too was strong-armed into doing this film because he owed the mafia some money. The rest of the cast consists of mainly no-names who should never work in film again, as they deliver their terrible dialogue like a high schooler performing in a play that’s only there because they need the extracurricular activity credit to graduate.

The actual use of the premise is inconsistent throughout as well. Once a wish is granted, someone close to Claire is supposed to die. However, people die in the movie that Claire is neither close to nor is even related to, so the film can’t even stick to its tried and tested premise in an attempt to make a compelling film. The only time the film is even marginally suspenseful is a scene in which the filmmakers use the cheap gimmick of showing two different people experiencing dangerous situations while leaving you guessing who’s going to be the one that gets it.

One aspect of horror films that is quiet necessary to qualify it as a horror film is providing scares, which Wish Upon can’t even wish for. Even if a horror film isn’t particularly scary, it can be improved in an exploitative fashion by quenching the audiences’ blood thirst. Wish Upon is largely bloodless throughout, so it doesn’t even go for the cheap exploitation in the hopes that its PG-13 rating will lure in dumb, unassuming teenagers who still believe the Paranormal Activity movies are real. The film also tries to blend comedy into the mix, as numerous snarky teenagers quip one-liners and do “things millennials do” despite the horror that is occurring around them. Most of the laughs are unintentional, and one must highlight Shannon Purser’s dramatic “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT” line, as it provided one of the biggest unintentional laughs I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Somewhere buried deep within the incompetency of it, there’s a decent movie that Wish Upon could’ve been. Instead, what we have is an incompetent, bloodless, not scary “horror” film that insults the audiences’ intelligence with its predictable themes that have been retreaded for the thousandth time. Had it not been for the laugh inducing middle-finger-to-the-audience ending/ payoff, Wish Upon couldn’t wish for even a half a star rating. In the end, Wish Upon will leave you wishing you had stayed at home and read “The Monkey’s Paw” instead.

Rating: 0.5/ 4 Stars. Stay Away.

 

 

The Winners and Losers of the NBA Off-season

One could argue the off-season was more unpredictable than the season itself.

This past NBA off-season was as unpredictable as ever. However, not everyone emerged a winner from this wild wild west of an off-season. With an off-season that was seemingly more exciting than the actual season itself, here are the winners and losers of the 2017 NBA off-season.

Winner: Gordon Hayward

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Hayward was the biggest free-agent of the off-season, and he cashed in big time by signing a 4-year, $128 million contract with the Boston Celtics. Hayward reunites with his college coach, Brad Stevens, in a move that puts him in a better position to win than he would’ve been in had he signed with the Miami Heat or re-signed with the Utah Jazz.

Loser: Boston Celtics/ Danny Ainge

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Boston may have scored the top free agent of the off-season, but they gave up a lot to get him. G Avery Bradley was traded to the Detroit Pistons, and C Kelly Olynyk signed with the Miami Heat. General Manager Danny Ainge also continued to show he is paralyzed by fear, as he passed up trading for forwards Jimmy Butler and Paul George. On top of that, he traded the number 1 pick in the draft in an effort to draft Kansas F Josh Jackson, but was given the cold shoulder by him and ended up taking Duke F Jayson Tatum instead. They’re no closer to beating LeBron James/ the Cavaliers, and they seem to get cold feet as it pertains to trying to win now.

Winner: Minnesota Timberwolves

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Losing Zach LaVine and Kris Dunn wasn’t ideal, but gaining forward Jimmy Butler in the process makes it all seem worthwhile. With a young core consisting of center Karl-Anthony Towns, Andrew Wiggins, and Jimmy Butler, the Timberwolves seem primed for a quick rise to the top of the Western Conference not only next year, but also remain there for the foreseeable future.

Winner: Oklahoma City Thunder

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The Thunder improved their team immensely by trading for Paul George, and only gave up an overrated Victor Oladipo and Domantas Sabonis to get him. While it is a huge one year gamble for Sam Presti with rumors of George bolting for the Lakers in 2018, there’s no doubt the duo of George and MVP Russell Westbrook will inch the Thunder closer to the top of the Western Conference.

Loser: Los Angeles Clippers

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I’m sure Jerry West is regretting leaving the Golden State Warriors by now. After seeing the writing on the wall that superstar point guard Chris Paul was going to bolt LA in free agency, the Clippers traded Paul to the Houston Rockets for Lou Williams, Patrik Beverly, Sam Dekker, Montrezl Harell, and the equivalent of a bag of magic beans. With the exception of the magic beans, that’s not a bad haul. But when you consider the team signed the oft-injured forward Blake Griffin to a 5-year, $173 million contract, it makes you wonder what direction the Clippers are heading.

Winner: Sacramento Kings

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For once, it seems like the Sacramento Kings know what they’re doing. They signed veteran guard George Hill to a 3-year $57 million contract, veteran forward Zach Randolph to a 2-year $24 million contract, and veteran guard Vince Carter to a 1-year $8 million contract. Not to mention the fact they drafted Kentucky guard De’Aaron Fox, who looks like a stud. After catching heat for trading away DeMarcus Cousins to the New Orleans Pelicans at the 2017 trade deadline, general manager Vlade Divac may finally be able to implement his plan and bring the Kings back to glory.

Winner and Loser: New York Knicks

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The Knicks finally fired check collecting Phil Jackson after three aimless, embarrassing seasons. They fired him too late, however, as Jackson was not let go until after the NBA draft. While forward Kristaps Porzingis will now want to stick around now that Jackson is gone, forward Carmelo Anthony is still on the team, and his value diminishes every waking moment he remains on the team. After seemingly luring former Cavaliers general manager David Griffin to the same position, Griffin pulled his name out of consideration because he wouldn’t be able to hire his own staff.  And by the way, none of their dysfunction will go away so long as they are owned by the worst owner in professional sports, James Dolan, who skipped the NBA Draft in favor of playing at a concert with his band.

Winner: Golden State Warriors

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Guard Stephen Curry was re-signed to 5-year $201 million contract. Forward Kevin Durant took less money and allowed the Warriors to re-sign forward Andre Iguodala, guard Shaun Livingston, and center Zaza Pachulia. They also signed forward Omri Casspi and guard “Swaggy P” Nick Young. If you thought the Warriors were unbeatable last year, next year’s squad should prove to be even better.

Loser: Cleveland Cavaliers

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Owner Dan Gilbert seems too complacent with the Cavaliers title win back in 2016. He unceremoniously fired general manager David Griffin right before the draft, and then low-balled general manager candidate Chauncey Billups. The Cavaliers haven’t made any impact signings either, they don’t have a general manager after all. While the Cavaliers are still the class of the Eastern Conference, rumors of a disgruntled LeBron James don’t bode well for the team come next off-season.

TBD: Houston Rockets

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The Rockets pulled off a blockbuster trade by acquiring guard Chris Paul from the Clippers. On paper, the Rockets seem better.  However, last time I checked, you can only play basketball with one ball at a time. One must wonder if the combination of two ball-centric players in Chris Paul and MVP candidate James Harden will pay off, but its much too early to tell whether or not Daryl Morey pulled off one of the best or worst trades of all-time.

Bro-Reviews: Spider-Man: Homecoming

A friendly neighborhood homecoming.

Spider-Man is not only one of the most beloved comic book heroes of all time, he’s also one of the most prized possessions in Hollywood, with Sony and Marvel Studios/ Disney currently sharing custody of the web slinger. How we got to this point is simple, Sony kept making awful movies (*Cough* Spider-Man 2, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 *Cough*) in an effort to retain the rights to the property, and fans and movie goers alike eventually rejected the films. Not only did these films lead to Sony cancelling plans to their planned spideyverse with The Sinister Six, but also led Marvel Studios/ Disney to finally step in and show Sony how it’s done. After a spectacular debut in Captain America: Civil War, Spider-Man has returned for another solo outing in the re-boot Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Spider-Man: Homecoming sees high school prodigy Peter Parker struggling to remain interested in his mundane high school life while wanting to expand his reach as the popular super hero, Spider-Man. He sees an opportunity to prove himself as a capable hero to Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) by going after Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton), a former salvaging company owner who turns to selling weapons made by the Chitauri aliens from The Avengers, including creating his own vulture suit, to make a living.

There’s little doubt the change of setting to high school makes Spider-Man Homecoming the funniest Spider-Man film to date. This is thanks mostly to Peter’s best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon), who has many laugh out loud moments in the film. Zendaya also has quirky moments as Michele, and proves herself to be an up and coming starlet. Tom Holland’s portrayal of Peter Parker is probably the best in terms of the high school version of the character, as his nerdiness and awkwardness are captured brilliantly particularly when he attempts to win the attention of his love interest Liz (Laura Harrier). This could be because the entire film takes place in this setting whereas the previous films didn’t spend much time focusing on Peter’s high school experiences, but it’s still nonetheless done well.

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Even though most of the jokes surrounding her are “wow look how hot she is”, Marissa Tomei gives a solid performance as Aunt May. She may not reach the tear-jerking levels of Rosemary Harris, but Tomei does a fine job of portraying a caring, worrywart aunt we all have. Michael Keaton (*A.K.A. Batman*) delivers a menacing performance as the Vulture. Keaton is undeniably likeable as the little guy who’s just trying to stick it to the man, and It’s a delight to see him take on villainous roles at this stage of his career. If his turn as the central villain proves anything, his career renaissance has taken yet another legendary turn.

During the first act, however, I was relatively unimpressed with the film. The angle of Parker being the young hotshot who wants to have more responsibility is a trope we’ve seen played out over and over again. On top of that, lackluster action sequences weren’t helping the film either. To be honest, the film during the first act felt like an exercise Marvel Studios/ Disney was doing just to cash-in. It didn’t have the same handcrafted feel Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man had back in 2002. And Holland, while very good, comes nowhere close to Tobey Maguire’s expert performance as Peter Parker/ Spider-Man.

Once the stakes are raised during an impressive action sequence on-top of the Washington Monument, Spider-Man: Homecoming knocks off the cobwebs and swings into high gear. It’s during the second and third acts we see more of Keaton, who comes across as the best spidey villain since Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin. Also, the relationship between Tony Stark and Peter Parker is expanded during these acts, and Robert Downey Jr. is not only as snarky as ever as Stark, but is also a great motivator and father figure to Peter in the film. The action sequences get more consequential and exciting as the film goes on, as the battle on the ferry and the climatic battle serve as impressive scenes that showcase Spider-Man and Vulture’s tremendous action chemistry.

Spider-Man: Homecoming is without a shout of a doubt better than the last four Spider-Man movies. It’s funny, contains great performances, and filled with enthralling action. However, due to it’s familiar themes, it never quite reaches the levels of the near perfect 2002 Spider-Man. While it’s definitely the second best Spider-Man film released to date, by its own merits, Spider-Man: Homecoming is a step in the right direction for the previously entangled web slinger.

Rating: 3/4 Stars: Pay Full Price.

Ranking the Spider-Man Films

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has had quite the film history.

Spider-Man: Homecoming swings into theaters this weekend. Critical buzz surrounding the film has been nothing but positive, but the same cannot be said of all of Spidey’s films. With five films to his name, here is the definitive ranking of the web slinger’s films.

5. The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

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It had been just five years since the last release of a Spider-Man film, but that didn’t stop Sony from wanting to go to the bank again. In an effort to retain the rights to the hero or risk losing him to Disney’s Marvel Studios, Sony hired 500 Days of Summer director Marc Webb to direct a re-boot of the web slinger. Andrew Garfield was cast as Peter Parker/ Spider-Man, and Emma Stone was cast as Peter’s original love, Gwen Stacey. While all of these elements should’ve made for a compelling film, The Amazing Spider-Man was a woeful misfire. From boring a villain (*Rhys Ifan’s Lizard was nothing short of a mini-Godzilla knockoff*) to a love story that made the Twilight films’ love triangle look eventful by comparison, The Amazing Spider-Man is a prime example of a soulless studio film made to retain the rights to a popular property in an effort to cash in. Many believed Marvel Studios/Disney and Sony should team up after the lack of success for the film, but that didn’t happen until after the release of…

4. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

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The Amazing Spider-Man is marginally better than The Amazing Spider-Man thanks to Jamie Foxx’s portrayal of Max Dillon/Electro. Yes, the filmmakers made up his powers as the film went along, but he’s one of the coolest comic book villains to ever appear on screen. Otherwise, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a prime example of franchise fatigue. The Green Goblin appears as a villain once again, the relationship between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacey reaches embarrassing new heights despite ghost dad Captain Stacey appearing numerous times to warn them of their doomed relationship, to the blatant product placement, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a mess. Sony’s plan of creating their own cinematic universe/ spideyverse by teasing the costumes of the Sinister Six, Spider-Man’s arch rivals, fell through due to the film’s lack of commercial and critical success, leading to them sharing custody of their beloved hero with Disney/ Marvel Studios.

3. Spider-Man 2 (2004)

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*UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT.* Spider-Man 2 is not a good movie. Why does Doctor Octopus rob a bank when he could just steal the equipment needed to re-do his experiment of creating a mini-sun? Why is Peter Parker, a scientific genius, turned into an idiot who can’t deliver pizzas on time and doesn’t realize he could sneak through a window to see his girlfriend’s play? Why do Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson fall into the typical romantic comedy trope of not communicating and have relationship problems? Why is Doctor Octopus fat? Call it nit picking, but Spider-Man 2 is not one of the best comic book movies ever. Turning Doctor Octopus into a sympathetic figure was a mistake, having Spider-Man’s powers start to fade due to Peter’s complicated life made little sense, and the climatic battle sequence was one of the biggest yawn inducing affairs of all time. Had it not been for the subway action scene, Spider-Man 2 might have placed even lower on this list.

2. Spider-Man 3 (2007)

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Director Sam Raimi wanted to have the Flint Marko/ Sandman be the main villain. Sony interfered and wanted Eddie Brock/Venom. As a compromise, both were included in the movie. Personally, I didn’t have a problem with Topher Grace as Eddie Brock/Venom and the lack of Venom in the movie, he served his purpose. While making Flint Marko Uncle Ben’s killer was a big-middle finger to the audience, his back story was still well done. Mary Jane Watson continued to be the worst girlfriend ever, but those signs were seen back in Spider-Man 2. Yes, the ending is terrible. But the action sequences deliver and are thrilling. The rivalry between Harry Osborne (*played by a gleefully over the top James Franco*) and Peter Parker is palpable. Peter Parker’s battle with the black suit/ symbiote personality is compelling and sees one of the most comical moments in super-hero film history as a dressed in all black Peter Parker dances around New York City to James Brown. Many will disagree with me and say Spider-Man 3 is an awful film, but I believe Spider-Man 3 is misunderstood and should be regarded as one of the better films in the series.

1. Spider-Man (2002)

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Spider-Man to this very day rests towards the top of my all-time comic book movies list, easily making it the best Spider-Man film to date. With the exception of having Mary Jane Watson appear as Peter Parker’s first love, the origin of Spider-Man is done perfectly. From Peter taking down school bully Flash Thompson all the way to his heroic display at the World Unity Fair, Spider-Man’s origin was done correctly. Tobey Maguire’s portrayal as the web slinger is still one of the best super hero performances of all time, and Kirsten Dunst gives Mary Jane Watson the “girl next door” vibe that would’ve melted any man’s heart. Cliff Roberston’s Uncle Ben had the emotional resonance needed to propel Peter into the life of a hero. While many scoff at his costume, Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin is frightening and intimidating, making him one of the finest super villains ever. It’s a wonder how in their first attempt at one of Marvel’s most popular heroes that Sony was able to make a near perfect super hero film. One can only wonder what could’ve been had the other two sequels lived up to this first film and had the franchise not been re-booted far too soon.

 

 

 

Bro-Reviews: Atomic Blonde

Blonde Wick.

It seems as if every A-List star in Hollywood these days is attempting to follow Sylvester Stallone’s footsteps and star in a one man/woman wrecking crew action film. (*Stallone has done this since the 80s, so he’s been doing it before it was cool.*) This time around, it’s Academy Award winning actress Charlize Theron who wants in on the action, as she’s teamed up with John Wick director David Leitch to make Atomic Blonde. While she proved herself a capable villain earlier this year in the action-packed The Fate of the Furious, can she carry Atomic Blonde into sacred action film territory?

Atomic Blonde takes place in 1989 on the eve of the collapse of the Berlin Wall. Lorraine Broughton (Charlize Theron), a top level MI-6 spy, is tasked with investigating an espionage ring that is believed to have killed a fellow MI-6 agent. Along the way, she must forge an alliance with David Percival (James McAvoy), a Berlin station chief, in order to obtain a list that is believed to contain many secrets and threaten the powers at be.

One must wonder what took Charlize Theron so long to make it to the action film realm, as she is a knockout in the film. Her tall frame allows her to have quite a physical presence on screen, and her action scenes are nothing short of brutal, bloody, and enthralling. Broughton is also extremely intelligent, quick-witted, and seductive. All of these qualities are portrayed expertly by Theron, who gives one of her best performances of her storied career.

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Not to be outdone, however, is James McAvoy, who proves when he’s not being held hostage by Bryan Singer to do X-Men films, is one of the most versatile actors working today. McAvoy’s Percival is the equivalent of pond scum, but since he’s such a screwup and drinks Jack Daniels like its water (*proving he has excellent taste in booze*), you can’t help but like him. The rest of the cast also does a splendid job, as Sofia Boutella continues to show she’s a rising star (*and also has a steamy sex scene with Charlize Theron that will one day be considered one of the sexiest sex scenes ever*), Toby Jones does what he always does and is excellent, and John Goodman showcases his ability to take bit character parts and still be one of the most memorable actors in the movie.

As mentioned earlier, the action scenes in this film are astounding. Director David Leitch proved he he has an eye for action in 2014’s John Wick, and he puts his talents on full display in Atomic Blonde. The action scenes feel like real, bone-breaking affairs that would leave anyone dazed and injured. Every punch, kick, or use of a weapon has a full impact on all of those involved, and it’s nice to see that the characters involved can get hurt/ are susceptible to injury, something many action films neglect entirely to the point that the heroes seem invincible.

If there’s anything to gripe about, it’s the story of the film. A seemingly simple plot is made somewhat over-complicated to fill out the film’s near two hour running time. However, there are plenty of predictable points in the film, leaving one to wonder why the filmmakers felt the need to throw red-herrings into the story. On top of that, while I personally didn’t mind it, some will find the final twists to be absurd. I may have left the theater buying it, but others may feel they’ve been jerked around by the film.

Overall, Atomic Blonde is a well acted, sexy, hard-hitting action film. A film that benefits from its lead actress showcasing her talents to a whole new level, a male lead who seems delighted to portray the character he is portraying, and a director who can expertly direct action sequences. A more apt title to the film may have been at their disposal in Blonde Wick, but make no mistake, this isn’t your typical dumb blonde. This blonde is nothing short of atomic.

Rating: 3/4 Stars. Pay Full Price.

Bro-Reviews: Baby Driver

The hipster incarnation of the Transporter.

Edgar Wright is one of the most talented men working in Hollywood today. His Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy, which includes Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End, is comedy at its finest. Although Scott Pilgrim vs. the World delivered meager box office results, it’s widely considered a cult classic. Despite the success of his films among film aficionados, he’s never truly made a mainstream film. Baby Driver, however, is his first foray into mainstream filmmaking, but does it retain the sharp wit and well developed characters we’ve come to know his films by?

Baby Driver sees expert getaway driver Baby (Ansel Elgort) relying on the sound and beat of his preferred soundtrack to help him navigate through the world of crime. He believes his time as a getaway driver is coming to an end, as he is very close to paying off his debt to the mysterious kingpin Doc (Kevin Spacey). Baby then begins romancing a diner waitress named Debora (Lilly James), and the two plan to run off with each other. Before they can run off and live happily ever after, Baby must complete the most dangerous job of all with the most dangerous criminals in the city: Buddy (Jon Hamm), Buddy’s girlfriend Darling (Eiza González), and Bats (Jamie Foxx).

Baby Driver is essentially a Transporter movie minus the over-the-top action and the abtastic Jason Statham. What it does better than those three films (*The Transporter Refueled never happened, it just didn’t*) is having an actual story, better characters, and sharp dialogue. In other words, if Edgar Wright ever made a Transporter movie, it’d look something like this. Wright is able to put his stamp on what is otherwise a story we’ve seen done over and over again, and he gets a lot out of what is an all-star ensemble cast.

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Kevin Spacey delivers another fine performance as the crime lord Doc, and he shows no signs of slowing down as one of the best actors in the game. Newcomer actress Eiza González is a sultry villainous, and she commands your attention with her stunning looks and acting abilities anytime she’s onscreen. Lilly James also delivers a solid performance as Baby’s love interest, as her free spirited young self represents this generation’s feelings on life and adult responsibilities to a t.

While I can’t get over the fact I feel he’s just a younger version of Josh Hartnett, Ansel Elgort is solid as a leading man. However, while his quirky trait of playing music during getaways functions well within the premise of the film, he has another quirk in which he carries a recorder around with him, records people, and then creates music with the recording. The film tries to play this up for laughs to make you believe he’s unique, but it comes across as awkward. He also has no issue with singing aloud in public, something that seems more irritating than endearing. It’s Jamie Foxx and Jon Hamm who steal the show as Bats and Buddy respectively. Both are veteran actors who are at a point in their careers where they are open to playing more character parts than being leading men. While Hamm’s Buddy has a quiet but deadly demeanor about him, Foxx’s Bats is a swaggering lunatic, making both scene stealers in the film due to their ability deliver Wright’s exceptional dialogue.

While the performances and dialogue are components of the film we expect to be done well, it’s Wright’s filming of the action scenes that is most surprising. Wright is able to film the chase scenes in such a way you can actually tell what’s occurring onscreen. On top of that, they’re thrilling and action packed, something we don’t typically expect from Wright even though he’s done it before in his previous films. We’ve come to know Wright for his writing capabilities and ability to make us laugh, but he’s actually one of the better action scene filmers working in Hollywood.

With its great performances, witty dialogue, and have you on the edge of you seat action, Baby Driver is an action-thriller that never takes its foot off the gas. A prime example that you don’t necessarily need giant robots or super heroes to make an enthralling summer action film. While it is essentially the hipster incarnation of a Transporter movie, you can chalk up Baby Driver as another win in the illustrious career of Edgar Wright.

Rating: 3/4 Stars. Pay Full Price.

The Curse of the Quarterback Contract Extentsion

Forget the Madden Curse, it’s all about the curse of QB contract extensions.

In a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, the Oakland soon to be Las Vegas Raiders signed franchise quarterback Derek Carr to a 5 year, $125 million contract extension. That averages out to $25 million annually, and includes $40 million in guaranteed money. Carr undoubtedly deserved the extension, as through three NFL seasons he has amassed 11,194 passing yards and thrown for 81 touchdowns with a quarterback rating of 87.9. However, history has shown many quarterbacks have struggled the next season after receiving a contract extension. Such examples include:

Marc Bulger, St. Louis Rams: 6 years for $62.5 Million

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Bulger signed this extension after the 2006 season, where he threw for 4,301 yards, 24 touchdowns and 8 interceptions with a quarterback rating of 92.9. The next season, Bulger threw for only 2,392 yards, 11 touchdowns compared to 15 interceptions, and had a quarterback rating of 70.3. Bulger never came close to living up to the extension, as he was released after the 2009 season and finished up his career backing up Joe Flacco for the Baltimore Ravens in 2010.

David Garrard, Jacksonville Jaguars: 6 years for $60 Million

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In 2007, David Garrard threw for 2,509 yards, 18 touchdowns, 3 interceptions, and had a quarterback rating of 102.2 while leading the Jaguars to the AFC Divisional playoff round. Garrard was then rewarded with this contract extension, similar to the one the aforementioned Marc Bulger received. In a 2008 season that saw the Jags have lofty Super Bowl aspirations, Garrard threw for just 15 touchdowns and 13 interceptions, and the Jaguars finished 5-11, good for last place in the AFC South.

Matt Cassel, Kansas City Chiefs: 6 years for $62.7 Million

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Matt Cassel threw for 3,693 yards, 21 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, and had a quarterback rating of 89.4 in 2008 for the New England Patriots with Tom Brady injured. This was enough for the Kansas City Chiefs to trade for him and sign him to a new contract, as the Chiefs thought they had finally found their franchise quarterback. The Chiefs went 4-12 in 2009, and Cassel threw for 2,924 yards, 16 touchdowns, 16 interceptions, and had a quarterback rating of 69.9. While Cassel did earn a Pro-Bowl bid and led the Chiefs to an AFC West Divisional title in 2010, Cassel never came close to matching his supposed worth, as he was cut after the 2012 season after struggling mightily in 2011 and 2012.

Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens: 6 years for $120.6 Million

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To be fair, Joe Flacco was coming off a postseason in which he threw for 11 touchdowns and no interceptions on his way to a Super Bowl victory with the Baltimore Ravens. He had made it to 3 AFC Championship Games since 2008 and was legitimately deserving of a new deal after the 2012 season. Unfortunately, the 2013 season saw Flacco and the Ravens experience a Super Bowl hangover, as Flacco threw 22 interceptions and had a quarterback rating of 73.1. The Ravens finished 8-8 and missed the postseason that year, and have only made it to the postseason once since signing Flacco to that extension.

Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys: 6 years for $108 Million

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Tony Romo already holds the mantel of the most overrated quarterback in NFL history because his stats were admittedly astounding for fantasy football geeks and he played for “America’s Team.” This led to Owner/ GM of the Cowboys Jerry Jones to give his illegitimate son this massive contract extension after two straight seasons of Romo choking in the final game of the regular season that could’ve put the Cowboys in the playoffs. 2013 saw him gag important games against the Denver Broncos and the Green Bay Packers (*the Cowboys blew a 23-point lead and Matt Flynn started for the Packers that game*) and the Cowboys missed the playoffs. While Romo did lead the Cowboys to a 12-4 record and an appearance in the NFC Divisional Playoff round in 2014, injuries and Dak Prescott prevented Romo from playing out the rest of his contract, and he is now the lead color commentator for CBS.

Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears: 7 years for $126 Million

NFL: Chicago Bears at New England Patriots

Although the Bears hadn’t made it to the postseason for the third straight season, Jay “My arm is bigger than John Elway’s” Cutler signed this massive contract extension after the 2013 season. The Bears went on to finish 5-11 in 2014, and Cutler was run out of town and the league after the 2016 season amid questions about his leadership abilities. He is now a color commentator for Fox.

While Carr is most certainly better than many of the quarterbacks listed here and the Raiders are better than the teams those quarterbacks played for, Raiders fans should be somewhat concerned about the 2017 season. History indicates many quarterbacks struggle the season after they receive a contract extension, and Carr could be the next victim of this curse. Factor in the fact that the Raiders’ schedule is already one of the toughest in the league, Super Bowl expectations, and the looming move to Las Vegas into the equation, and the 2017 season could turn out to be a major letdown for the silver and black. This may not be the Curse of the Bambino, the Billy Goat Curse, or even the Curse of the Black Pearl, but the Curse of Quarterback Contract Extensions looms large over the Raiders’ 2017 season.