2017 NFL Season Preview

Football is back.

The NFL season is upon us. Every year fans get a newfound sense of hope. The hope that their favorite team may rise up and raise the Lombardi trophy as Super Bowl champions. While some teams are closer to accomplishing this goal than others, it’s time to separate the contenders from the pretenders and predict the 2017 NFL Season.

AFC North


1. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4

2. Cincinnati Bengals 8-8

3. Baltimore Ravens 7-9

4. Cleveland Browns 4-12

The Steelers are by and far the best team in this division, and their schedule will allow them to rack-up wins this season. The Bengals will be average, the Ravens don’t have enough offensive talent to be a contender, and Browns QB DeShone Kizer will showcase his talent whilst running for his life.


AFC East


1. New England Patriots 13-3

2. Miami Dolphins 7-9

3. Buffalo Bills 6-10

4. New York Jets 2-14

It’s Tom Brady’s world. Every other team is just happy to be considered an NFL team in the AFC East. Jay Cutler won’t move the needle with the Dolphins, the Bills are rebuilding, and the Jets look like they could be one of the worst teams in a long time by tanking this season.


AFC South


1. Houston Texans 9-7

2. Tennessee Titans 9-7

3. Indianapolis Colts 6-10

4. Jacksonville Jaguars 3-13

Defense wins championships. Houston still has one of the best defenses in football, and rookie QB DeShaun Watson will be the starter for the Texans come the end of the season. The Titans are building something special in Nashville, the Colts will be lost without QB Andrew Luck, and the Jaguars are starting QB Blake Bortles because QB Chad Henne is the alternative. (*cough Colin Kaepernick*)


AFC West


1. Oakland Raiders 10-6

2. Kansas City Chiefs 9-7

3. Denver Broncos 7-9

4. Los Angeles Chargers 6-10

The Raiders’ offense will carry this team to a division title, but the back seven of the defense seems to have regressed. The Chiefs will eventually start rookie QB Patrick Mahomes, the Broncos lack of offensive firepower will be mitigated by their stellar defense, and the Chargers play in a soccer stadium.

NFC North


1. Green Bay Packers 10-6

2. Detroit Lions 8-8

3. Minnesota Vikings 7-9

4. Chicago Bears 3-13

The Packers have Aaron Rodgers. The Lions have Matthew Stafford. The Vikings have Sam Bradford. The Bears have Mike Glennon and Mitchell Trubisky. The quarterback situations for each team in this division tell you all you need to know.


NFC East


1. Dallas Cowboys 11-5

2. New York Giants 10-6

3. Philadelphia Eagles 9-7

4. Washington Redskins 6-10

QB Dak Prescott is the real deal, and he’ll thrive with or without RB Ezikiel Elliot. The Giants’ defense is Super Bowl worthy, the Eagles will fly with their new toys on offense, and the Redskins still don’t know if their QB’s name is Kirk or Kurt Cousins.


NFC South


1. Carolina Panthers 11-5

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10-6

3. Atlanta Falcons 8-8

4. New Orleans Saints 6-10

QB Cam Newton will see the Panthers rise from worst to first now that their Super Bowl 50 hangover is gone. QB Jameis Winston will help the Buccaneers take the next step towards contention, the Falcons will still be hungover from their Super Bowl 51, and the Saints still don’t play defense… ever.


NFC West


1. Seattle Seahawks 13-3

2. Arizona Cardinals 8-8

3. Los Angeles Rams 5-11

4. San Francisco 49ers 4-12

The Seahawks tout one of the best defenses in the league, and QB Russell Wilson is one of the best QBs in the league despite taking snaps from a stitched-together offensive line. The Cardinals are another year older, the Rams are still trying to make QB Jared Goff happen even though it will never happen, and any progress the 49ers may make will be sabotaged because their owner runs every coach out of town, even when they make it to the Super Bowl.


AFC Playoff Picture


1. New England Patriots

2. Pittsburgh Steelers

3. Oakland Raiders

4. Houston Texans

5. Kansas City Chiefs

6. Tennessee Titans


Wild Card


3. Raiders over 6. Titans

4. Texans over 5. Chiefs


Divisional Round


1. Patriots over 4. Texans

2. Steelers over 3. Raiders


AFC Championship


2. Steelers over 1. Patriots


NFC Playoff Picture


1. Seattle Seahawks

2. Dallas Cowboys

3. Carolina Panthers

4. Green Bay Packers

5. New York Giants

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers


Wild Card


5. Giants over 4. Packers

3. Panthers over 6. Buccaneers


Divisional Round


1. Seahawks over 5. Giants

2. Cowboys over 3. Panthers


NFC Championship


1. Seahawks over 2. Cowboys




Steelers over Seahawks




Every NFL Team and Division in 3 Words

3 words can tell the entire story.

With the dog days of summer winding down, NFL training camps are officially underway. While most want to jump the gun and predict the NFL season now, let’s start with 3 words to describe every team and every division in the NFL.

AFC North: Beat ’em up.


Pittsburgh Steelers: Roethlisberger goes diva.

Baltimore Ravens: Binding Flacco contract.

Cincinnati Bengals: Picture of complacency.

Cleveland Browns: Hope? LOL. Nope.

The AFC North is a brutal division, one in which the teams beat each other up so much during the season come playoff time, they’re out of gas. The Steelers are the best team in the division, but Ben Roethlisberger discussing retirement this early smells like trouble. The Ravens will be competitive, but they’d be more competitive if not for QB Joe Facco’s contract. The Bengals never seem to aspire to be better than average, and the Browns are a doormat.

AFC South: First round exit.


Houston Texans: Won with Osweiler.

Tennessee Titans: Rise of Mariota.

Indianapolis Colts: Out of Luck.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Gag on Coughlin.

The AFC South Division winner has the luxury of hosting a home playoff game and promptly losing. The Texans won with Brock Osweiler at QB, so rookie QB Deshaun Watson could be a step up. The Titans continued progress will depend on the health of QB Marcus Mariota, the Colts can’t continue relying on QB Andrew Luck to be a contender, and the “new look Jaguars” with Tom Coughlin in the front office will continue to be woeful until QB Blake Bortles is deported.

AFC East: Pats stand pat.


New England Patriots: Please stop winning.

Miami Dolphins: One year wonder.

Buffalo Bills: Sabotaged by Pengulas.

New York Jets: J-E-T-S spells L-O-S-E.

Since 2001, only the Jets in 2002 and Dolphins in 2008 have won the division. The Patriots have nothing to worry about in this cakewalk of a division. The Dolphins won’t be able to replicate last years success, the Bills’ ownership prevents them from being even halfway competent, and the Jets are essentially tanking.

AFC West: Most competitive division.

Oakland Raiders: Just Win Baby.

Kansas City Chiefs: Kings of almost.

Denver Broncos: Mile High controversy.

Los Angeles Chargers: Soccer stadium tenants.

The AFC West is easily the NFL’s most competitive division, as 3 of the 4 teams posted records above .500 last year. The Raiders will want to continue their newfound commitment to excellence all the way to a division title. The Chiefs will sport a good team but aren’t legitimate contenders. The Broncos will be hindered by their QB controversy between Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch, and the Chargers were rewarded for moving to LA LA Land by being tenants in a 30,000 seat soccer stadium.

NFC North: Cold and predictable.

Green Bay Packers: Default division winner.

Minnesota Vikings: Bridge(water) too far.

Detroit Lions: Roar no more.

Chicago Bears: Should’ve ditched Mitch.

The NFC North is known for being a rather chilly division come late October, but its utterly predictable. The overrated, over-hyped, and overblown Packers will win the division. The Vikings need QB Teddy Bridgewater to come back if they have any hope of being a playoff contender. The Lions surprised many last season with a postseason appearance, but that seems unreasonable to expect this season. The Bears were swindled by the 49ers and picked a QB who started 13 games in his collegiate career, it’ll be a cold winter for them.

NFC South: Worst to first.


Carolina Panthers: Dab strikes back.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Winston’s next step.

Atlanta Falcons: Super Bowl hangover.

New Orleans Saints: The final Brees.

This division always seems to have the worst to first syndrome, where a team that finished in last place the previous year ascends to first place the next. QB Cam Newton and the Panthers will continue this trend, as the dab will strike back. QB Jameis Winston could potentially lead the Bucs into the postseason, the Falcons won’t be over their epic collapse, and the Saints will be looking to move on from QB Drew Brees.

NFC East: Beasts in East.

Dallas Cowboys: Inmates running asylum.

New York Giants: Odell rights ship.

Philadelphia Eagles: Winners of off-season.

Washington Redskins: Kirk or Kurt?

The NFC East is always one of the roughest, toughest divisions in the NFL, and this year will be no different. While the Dallas Cowboys resemble more of a Federal prison than a football team, they’re the best team in the division. Giants WR Odell Beckham Jr. will overcome the ghost of his ill-fated boat trip and have an MVP caliber season. The Eagles impressed many with their off-season acquisitions, but will there be team chemistry? Meanwhile, the Redskins will continue to be petty and mispronounce their overrated QB’s name, Kirk (Kurt?) Cousins.

NFC West: One team matters.

Seattle Seahawks: Winning trumps animosity.

Arizona Cardinals: Gasp for Arians.

Los Angeles Rams: Scoff at Goff.

49ers: Still York owned.

This division has one relevant team. Despite the fact every player on the roster hates QB Russell Wilson, chief among them CB Richard Sherman, the Seahawks’ winning will mask their dysfunction. This season could very well be the Cardinals’ final run at a Super Bowl title. QB Jared Goff of the Rams will prove himself to be one of the biggest Draft Busts ever. Lastly, the 49ers are still owner by Jed York, who hired John Lynch, a former color commentator with no front office experience to be their GM (*Does Matt Millen ring a bell?*). Lynch went on to hire the man who called 5 running plays in the second half of Super Bowl 51 when he was up 28-3, Kyle Shanahan, the spoiled brat son of a tomato (*Mike Shanahan*).