Bro-Picks: NFL Week 7 Predictions

Time for the 2-minute drill at the end of the first half of the NFL season.

We’ve reached the 2-minute warning of the first half of the NFL season. So far, one would be hard-pressed to say their is a clear favorite to win the Super Bowl.

The Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles may sit atop of the NFL, but have yet to establish themselves as powerhouses. Teams like the Los Angeles Rams and the Buffalo Bills have been pleasant surprises, but their early season success might not last heading into the second half of the season.

Meanwhile, teams like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders were believed to be primed to take the next step towards title contention, but have stumbled through the first half of the season. Then there are the Cleveland Browns and the San Francisco 49ers, who are in a race for the number 1 pick in the NFL Draft and might not win a game this year.

There’s enough time left in the first half of the NFL season for these teams to score and get themselves on the track towards Minneapolis for Super Bowl 52, but they’ll need to execute the two minute drill to perfection in order to do so.

Last Week: 5-9

Overall: 47-44

Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders (Thursday Night Football)

The Raiders have fallen well short of their Super Bowl expectations, and the once dynamic offense has struggled under the guidance of first year offensive coordinator Todd Downing. This is a must win game for the silver and black, but with the Chiefs coming to town off an embarrassing home loss, it may be time for the Raiders to make off-season plans starting in early January.

Winner: Chiefs

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Buffalo Bills

Tampa Bay QB James Winston is ailing, and the Buccaneers haven’t taken the next step as many thought they would. It might be time to start taking the Bills seriously.

Winner: Bills

 

Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears

Bears RB Jordan Howard gave us a blast from the past with his 36 carries for 167 yards performance against the Ravens. But the Bears seem to only be beating AFC North teams this year, with their only other win coming against the Steelers. Last time I checked, the Panther play in the NFC South.

Winner: Panthers

 

Lock of the Week: Tennessee Titans at Cleveland Browns

Well Cleveland, you still have LeBron.

Lock of the Week Winner: Titans

 

New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers

The Packers season is all but finished with QB Aaron Rodgers out for most of if not the rest of the season due to a broken collarbone. The once putrid Saints defense seems to be finding their grove, and that’s without QB Drew Bree’s playing exceptionally well.

Winner: Saints

 

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts

The AFC South is a battle of ineptitude at this point, and it doesn’t look like Colts AB Andrew Luck is coming back this season due to a shoulder injury. Jacoby Brissett has done a fine job fillinf in for Luck, and the Jaguars should strongly consider making a play for Brissett if they want to be considered true contenders.

Winner: Jaguars

 

Upset of the Week: Arizona Cardinals at Los Angeles Rams

Saints head coach Sean Payton owes RB Adrian Peterson an apology. He still has plenty in the tank, running for 134 yards and 2 touchdowns on 26 carries last week in a win over the Bucs. The more of the load Peterson can take off of QB Carson Palmer’s shoulders, the better off the Cardinals will be.

Upset of the Week Winner: Cardinals

 

New York Jets at Miami Dolphins

Somehow, both of these teams are still in the race for the AFC East division title heading into Week 7. In a division that’s currently wide open, both of these teams need to win in order to keep pace for the division crown.

Winner: Dolphins

 

Baltimore Ravens at Minnesota Vikings

A golden opportunity has arisen for the Vikings now that Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is out. And the Ravens lost to Mitchell Trubisky at home last week. Yikes.

Winner: Vikings

 

Dallas Cowboys at San Francisco 49ers

The C. J. Beathard era is officially underway in San Francisco (* Santa Clara, because Jed York*). It doesn’t matter who plays at QB for the 49ers, they stink. The Cowboys may be going through more twists and turns than The Young and the Restless with the Ezekiel Elliott soap opera, but they will to thrive off of dysfunction this week against a team that could be staring at an 0-11 record before their first winnable game.

Winner: Cowboys

 

Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers

You can’t quite get a grip on the Steelers. One week they look like Super Bowl contenders, the next week they look like pretenders. Bet on the former this week in a heated divisional match-up at home.

Winner: Steelers

 

Denver Broncos at Los Angeles Chargers

The Chargers are on a winning streak, and the Broncos laid an egg last week on Sunday Night Football. Which of these teams show up is as unpredictable as to what President Donald Trump will tweet next.

Winner: Broncos

 

Seattle Seahawks at New York Giants

The Giants finally got their first win of the season sans WRs Odell Beckham Jr. and Brandon Marshall against a good Broncos defense. They won’t have the same luck this week against the legion of boom.

Winner: Seahawks

 

Atlanta Falcons at New England Patriots (Sunday Night Football)

Just in case a Patriots fan or Mark Wahlberg  hasn’t reminded you, the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in Super Bowl 51 against the Patriots. Last week, just ahead of their Super Bowl 51 re-match, the Falcons blew a 17-0 lead against the Dolphins. If that isn’t an ominous sign of what’s to come, then what is?

Winner: Patriots

 

Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles

The NFC East is always a brutal division, and this week features a key match-up that will put the winner in good playoff standing. The Redskins need this game more to avoid being 0-2 in the division, QB Carson Wentz has the Eagles flying high, and they’re going to be tough to ground.

Winner: Eagles

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Bro-Picks: NFL Week 6 Predictions

The picks keep coming.

Week 5 of the NFL season saw some entertaining match-ups, but also gave us a glimpse into who’s a contender and who’s a pretender. Let’s not make those determinations until midway through the season, because no one is willing to say the New York Jets are the favorite to win the AFC East with a 3-2 record. It’s much too early.

Last Week: 6-8

Overall: 42-35

Philadelphia Eagles at Carolina Panthers (Thursday Night Football)

A match-up between two of the best teams not only in the NFC but maybe even the NFL itself, this has the potential to be the best Thursday Night Football game ever. With two young stud QBs in Cam Newton and Carson Wentz starring in this match-up, Thursday Night Football won’t be the bane of everyone’s existence this week.

Winner: Panthers

Chicago Bears at Baltimore Ravens

After not being able to find the end zone for two straight weeks, the Ravens found the perfect remedy to cure their scoring woes: the Oakland Raiders defense. Next on the agenda, Bears rookie QB Mitchell Trubisky.

Winner: Ravens

 

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings

Aaron Rodgers is a one man team. The Vikings can’t decide between an oft hurt Sam Bradford or career backup Case Keenum to hold down the quarterback position.

Winner: Packers

 

San Francisco 49ers at Washington Redskins

The 49ers should take a good hard look at Redskins QB Kirk (*or Kurt?*) Cousins. He could be their QB of the future.

Winner: Redskins

 

Detroit Lions at New Orleans Saints

The Adrian Peterson era/ error mercilessly came to an end after the Saints traded him to the Cardinals. That doesn’t solve all their problems, but with Lions QB Matt Stafford not at full strength, the Saints seem prime to climb back to mediocrity.

Winner: Saints

 

Miami Dolphins at Atlanta Falcons

The Dolphins are embroiled in controversy due to their now former offensive line coach Chris Foerster being filmed snorting a white powdery substance. Hardly a rallying cry for a struggling Dolphins offense.

Winner: Falcons

 

Cleveland Browns at Houston Texans

Texans QB DeShaun Watson will make the Browns pay for passing on him in the 2017 NFL Draft. But look on the bright side Cleveland, you’ve still got the Indians… who blew a 2-0 series lead against the Yankees. Well, you’ve got LeBron James… for one more year.

Winner: Texans

 

New England Patriots at New York Jets

The Jets are riding high because of a three game winning streak. Hope they enjoyed it while it lasted.

Winner: Patriots

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Arizona Cardinals

Carson Palmer, Larry Fitzgerald, and Adrian Peterson all on the same team?! This team could go to the Super Bowl… if it were 2009.

Winner: Buccaneers

 

Los Angeles Rams at Jacksonville Jaguars

These two teams are surprisingly 3-2 through 5 games, but let’s pump the breaks on declaring these teams the favorite to win their respective divisions. This pick will also be a first in Bros Can’t Hang history…

Winner: Jaguars

 

Los Angeles Chargers at Oakland Raiders

Something is amiss in Raiderville after a 2-3 start, and the Chargers are coming off of an emotional first win. In a key AFC West showdown, the Raiders need this game if they hope to remain in title contention.

Winner: Raiders

 

Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs

Ben Roethlisberger threw 5, count ’em, 5 interceptions last week against the Jaguars. He has openly considered retirement since the off season. The Kansas City Chiefs defense, who are fourth in the NFL in takeaways thus far, may accelerate that consideration.

Winner: Chiefs

 

New York Giants at Denver Broncos (Sunday Night Football)

The Giants are 0-5, and there are talks of QB Eli Manning being traded to the Jaguars to reunite with his old coach, Tom Coughlin. WR Odell Beckham Jr. is out for the season with a broken ankle. WR Brandon Marshall is out for the year as well.  Can things get any worse for the Giants? Yes, because the Denver Broncos’ number 1 ranked defense are a pulverizing bunch.

Winner: Broncos

 

Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans (Monday Night Football)

Titans QB Marcus Mariota and Colts QB Andrew Luck are injured. Remember when these teams were rising superpowers in the lowly AFC South? That seems like a distant memory.

Winner: Titans

Bro- Picks: NFL Week 5 Predictions

1 quarter down, 3 to go.

We’re a quarter of the way through the NFL season, and to say there have been surprises would be an understatement. Such shocking developments include:

The New England Patriots are 2-2, and their defense is on pace to be one of the worst defenses in NFL history. QB Tom Brady may be somewhat of an ageless wonder at 40 years old (stats), but even he cant overcome a historically bad defense. There’s not enough crow to go around for all the dopey experts who predicted this team would go 19-0.

The Oakland soon to be Las Vegas Raiders looked like a force to be reckoned with the first two weeks of the season, and even held a dance party because of it. Since then they’ve looked like the Jamarcus Russell era Raiders, getting punk’d on Sunday Night Football against the Redskins, and looking impotent against the Broncos. To make matters worse, QB Derek Carr is out 2-6 weeks with a transverse fracture in his back. Should Carr come back quickly there’s a good chance the Raiders could recover. If Carr is out for an extended period of time, the Raiders’ season is sunk.

The Jets are 2-2. So much for tanking.

The Dallas Cowboys are 2-2, and everyone seems to be panicking. Prior to last seasons 13-3 outing, the Cowboys went 40-40 from 2011-2015. If anything, the Cowboys have been their typical selves so far this season. Factor in a defense that can’t stop a nose bleed, and it’ll be tough for QB Dak Prescott and company to match last year’s success.

Last Week: 10-6

Overall: 36-27

Upset of the Week: New England Patriots at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Thursday Night Football)

The New England Patriots are lucky to be in the AFC East, because nobody is buying the Buffalo Bills as the best team in that division. The Patriots defense has allowed every opponent’s QB to throw for over 300 yards this year, and Buccaneers QB Jameis Winston will fest upon New England’s poor pass defense.

Upset of the Week Winner: Buccaneers

San Francisco 49ers at Indianapolis Colts

Colts QB Andrew Luck is finally practicing, but there is no timetable for his return. This is the last winnable game for the 49ers until December 3rd against the Chicago Bears, but it will be Colts QB Jacoby Brissett who will show flashes of being a franchise QB, perhaps even one the 49ers should look into next off season.

Winner: Colts

New York Jets at Cleveland Browns

I like Browns coach Hue Jackson a lot. He deserves better than the dumpster fire known as the Cleveland Browns. And aren’t the Jets supposed to be tanking?

Winner: Jets

Lock of the Week: Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers

The soap opera known as the Pittsburgh Steelers never seems to end. First WR Antonio Brown throws a temper tantrum on Sunday after not receiving the ball when he was wide open. QB Ben Roethlisberger then chides Antonio Brown publicly after saying he wished Brown had voiced his frustrations privately. All of this would spell disaster for most teams, but none of it matters, as the Steelers play the perpetually schizophrenic Jaguars on this week’s episode.

Winner: Steelers

Los Angeles Chargers at New York Giants

A battle of 0-4 teams. One team feels as if they are playing road games every week since opposing teams’ fans take over their tarp covered, 27,00 seat soccer stadium. The other team is the worst New York football team right now, and that was supposed to be the Jets. It’s getting tiresome picking the Giants every week, but they’re playing a Chargers team that has got to be the biggest joke other than the Browns right now. This has got to be the Giants’ week, right?

Winner: Giants

Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals

The Bills, whom many thought were tanking, are 3-1 and in first place in the AFC East. That may not last much longer, but for one more week, the good times will roll in Buffalo.

Winner: Bills

Carolina Panthers at Detroit Lions

Cam Newton seems to have gotten his swagger back after scoring 4 touchdowns against the Patriots last week. That swagger carried over in the wrong way during a press conference Wednesday, where he said “It’s funny” when a female reporter asked him a question regarding the routes his wide receivers ran in week 4. There’s nothing funny about the Lions, who lead the NFL with 11 takeaways this season. While Newton’s remarks were reprehensible at best, Cam has his groove back, and that’s all the Panthers need.

Winner: Panthers

Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins

The Titans may be without QB Marcus Mariota this weekend, and instead of signing a QB who could actually run their offense (*cough* Colin Kaepernick *cough*), they signed Brandon Weeden. They’re lucky they get to face smokin’ Jay Cutler and the Miami Dolphins this week, whose offense looks like it’s being ran by a man enjoying his retirement.

Winner: Titans

Arizona Cardinals at Philadelphia Eagles

The Cardinals two wins have come against the the Colts and the 49ers. The Eagles have proven to be the beasts of the NFC East through 4 games, and it’s games like these against vulnerable teams at home you must win in order to be considered true contenders.

Winner: Eagles

Baltimore Ravens at Oakland Raiders

As stated earlier, the Raiders will be without QB Derek Carr for sometime. Their backup is former 16th overall pick and only the QB taken in the first round of the 2013 NFL Draft EJ Manuel (*seriously, nobody wants to call Colin Kaepernick?*). The Ravens defense may be stout with 11 takeaways this season, but the Raiders will find a way to eek out a victory against a Ravens team whose QB Joe Flacco can no longer be considered elite.

Winner: Raiders

Seattle Seahawks at Los Angeles Rams

The Rams are the surprise team at the top of the NFC West with a 3-1 record, including a stunning win over the Cowboys at Jerry World last week. This will be the biggest indicator of whether they are a true contender or not, as it has been QB Russell Wilson and the Legion of Boom Seattle Seahawks who have owned this Division since 2013. The Rams aren’t ready for the spotlight.

Winner: Seahawks

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys

A rematch of last year’s Divisional Playoff game (*quite possibly one of the best ever*), the Packers have injuries upon injuries stacking up. The Cowboys look vulnerable after looking invincible last season. The Cowboys need this game more to prove they are still a force to be reckoned with, and anticipating they will play with that urgency is enough to prevail over Packers QB Aaron Rodgers.

Winner: Cowboys

Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans (Sunday Night Football)

The Chiefs are the only undefeated team left in the NFL at 4-0. Chiefs coach Andy Reid wins 61% of his regular season games, so we should’ve seen this success coming. However, they’ll be facing a dynamic young QB in Deshaun Watson this week. After his 5 touchdown performance against the Titans last week, maybe Watson’s former college coach Dabo Swinney wasn’t far off when he said any team that passes up on him in the NFL draft is passing up on the next Michael Jordan.

Winner: Texans

Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears (Monday Night Football)

The Bears have mercilessly ended the Mike Glennon era (*or error*) and will start rookie QB Mitch Trubisky this week. Seriously? The Bears want to trot out their prized possession against a defense that is only allowing offenses to score 19 points a game? Hardly a confidence booster for a QB making his NFL debut in prime time.

USP NFL: CHICAGO BEARS-MITCHELL TRUBISKY PRESS CON S FBN USA IL

Winner: Vikings

 

Bro-Picks: NFL Week 4 Predictions

Playmakers. Protests. Picks.

Week 3 in the NFL was high-jacked by players protesting President Donald Trump’s remarks regarding players kneeling during the National Anthem, calling them “sons of b******” and saying they should be fired. NFL players reacted to these immature, incendiary remarks by either staying in the locker room, locking arms, kneeling, or some combination of the three during the playing of the National Anthem. These protests and signals of unity led to what might have been the most upset riddled week of the NFL thus far, leading to many having awful weeks predicting the week 3 match-ups.

Just for a recap: The Jaguars embarrassed the Ravens, the Bears conquered the Steelers, the Saints blew out the Panthers, the Titans vanquished the Seahawks, the Redskins beat down the Raiders, the Vikings pulverized the Buccaneers (*with Case Keenum as their QB*), the Bills subdued the Broncos, the Packers needed overtime to beat the Bengals, and the Jets trounced the Dolphins. Let all of that sink in.

Last Week: 5-11

Overall: 26-21

Lock of the Week: Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (Thursday Night Football)

The Bears are better than we expected. While Bears fans should be happy that it won’t be Jay Cutler suiting up against the Packers, Mike Glennon is not much of an upgrade.

Lock of the Week Winner: Green Bay

New Orleans Saints at Miami Dolphins

The Saints may have started 0-2 for the fourth straight season, but they always start slow because Drew Brees is old. Like any other old person, they take a while to get warmed up, then hit their stride, and then collapse. We’re somewhere in between the first two steps of that process with Brees and the Saints, and the Dolphins lost to the Jets. Let me repeat that. THE DOLPHINS LOST TO THE JETS.

Winner: Saints

Buffalo Bills at Atlanta Falcons

Atlanta could very easily be 1-2 right now, as they’ve been outplayed two out of the first three weeks, including weaseling their way to a win last week against Detroit. Nevertheless, the Falcons are 3-0, and while they’ll struggle against a tough Bills defense, it may be time to re-think the whole notion of the “Super Bowl hangover”.

Winner: Falcons

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

Both teams suffered uncharacteristic losses against lesser competition last week. If you thought this rivalry couldn’t get any more heated than it already is, first place is on the line this week.

Winner: Steelers

Cincinnati Bengals at Cleveland Browns

The Battle of Ohio? More like the battle of Oh why no.

Winner: Bengals

Los Angeles Rams at Dallas Cowboys

Don’t drink the Rams Kool aide just because they’re first in the league in points per game. Their two wins have come against the Andrew Luck-less Colts and the 49ers. Hardly the Super Bowl contending, knee-bending, anthem standing Dallas Cowboys.

Winner: Cowboys

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans

The Titans look like the real deal after dominating Seattle, but the Texans looked explosive with DeShaun Watson at the helm against the Patriots. This is a true AFC South Smackdown.

Winner: Texans

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings

Let’s recap Detroit’s game last week. WR Golden Tate appeared to have caught a pass and crossed the goal line to put the Lions ahead of the Falcons with 8 seconds left in the 4th quarter. The referees decided to review the play, and reversed the call by saying he was down before scoring. Then, by NFL rule, a 10 second run off had to occur because it was a scoring play review under 2 minutes, costing them the game. You think Detroit is mad about that?

Winner: Lions

Carolina Panthers at New England Patriots

The Patriots defense is really bad, but QB Tom Brady is quite possibly the G.O.A.T., which is more than enough to make up for their lack of defense. The Panthers will want to rebound from being beat-down against the Saints, but Panthers QB Cam Newton threw for a measly 167 yards and 3 interceptions against a woeful Saints defense.

Winner: Patriots

Jacksonville Jaguars at New York Jets

This is a game where you could flip a coin and decide the winner. Even then you can’t be sure which version of these teams, good or bad, will show up come Sunday.

Winner: Jets

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals

Cardinals QB Carson Palmer can’t move anymore, and WR Larry Fitzgerald, who has plenty left in the tank, is handicapped by his immobile QB. But the 49ers allowed Jared Goff to hang 41 points on them, so there’s a beacon of hope this week for the birds of the desert.

Winner: Cardinals

Philadelphia Eagles at Los Angeles Chargers

The Eagles had a huge week 1 win against an NFC East rival. They followed that up with a loss on the road against an AFC West opponent. The Eagles won in dramatic fashion last week thanks to a 61-yard field goal against an NFC East rival. This week, they go on the road to face an AFC West opponent. Notice a pattern?

Winner: Chargers

New York Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Giants offense showed signs of life last week against the Eagles, but walked off the field without a win. The Buccaneers came out flat against the Vikings last week, and Buccaneers WR Mike Evans threw a temper tantrum because of that. The Giants are more desperate than the Buccaneers, but if they don’t win this week, it might be time for a change in New York.

Winner: Giants

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

The Raiders got punched in the mouth against the Redskins on Sunday Night Football in front of a national audience. The Broncos, who are coming off a poor showing in Buffalo against the Bills, must’ve been salivating at what they saw. If he plays, Raiders WR Michael Crabtree may want to hide his gold chain from Broncos CB Aqib Talib.

Winner: Broncos

Indianapolis Colts at Seattle Seahawks (Sunday Night Football)

Is it too early to start flexing games for Sunday Night Football?

Winner: Seahawks

Upset of the Week: Washington Redskins at Kansas City Chiefs (Monday Night Football)

The Chiefs look like the team to beat in the NFL right now, but the Redskins looked dominant against a good Raiders team. It’s another nationally televised game for the Redskins, and they’re going to want to show they can hang with the best the NFL has to offer for the second week in a row.

Upset of the Week Winner: Redskins

Bro-Picks: NFL Week 3 Predictions

Week 3 holds the key.

Week 2 of the NFL season didn’t provide very many surprises, but there were some keen observations to be made.

  • For everyone who thought the sky was falling after the New England Patriot’s Week 1 loss at home, don’t you feel silly now? QB Tom Brady dominated a porous New Orleans Saints defense, throwing for 447 yards and 3 touchdowns. Tom Brady is fine, and the Patriots will be fine.

  • The NFL might regret letting the owners run rampant the last two off-seasons and allowing the Rams and Chargers to move to Los Angeles. There was at least some buzz surrounding the Ram’s move, but the Chargers have been largely unwanted. Neither team has drawn a consistently big crowd since their arrival, and their combined attendance of 81,993 (56,612 for the Rams,  25,381 for the Chargers) still didn’t match the attendance of 84,714 for the Texas vs. USC college football game at the LA Coliseum. Ouch.

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  • This is something you just won’t get in Las Vegas once the Raiders move there…

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Last Week: 12-4

Overall: 21-10

Los Angeles Rams at San Francisco 49ers (Thursday Night Football)

The Rams look like an actual team now that Sean McVay is coaching the offense up. QB Jared Goff may not be setting the world ablaze with his passing ability, but he’s done more than 49ers QB Brian Hoyer, who threw for an embarrassing 99 yards against Seattle. Another Thursday Night Football clunker.

Winner: Rams

 

Baltimore Ravens at Jacksonville Jaguars (in London)

Another god forsaken aspect of the NFL are the games played in London. Most of the time they suck, and anytime London’s “best” football team, the Jacksonville Jaguars are involved, you know it’s about time the NFL rethink playing these overseas games. No wonder it’s being streamed for free on Yahoo, who would would actually want to turn on their television to watch this atrocity?

Winner: Ravens

 

Denver Broncos at Buffalo Bills

The Broncos made the Cowboys quit last week, and QB Trevor Siemian has looked like John Elway 2.0 through the first two weeks. They face a tough Buffalo Bills defense in week 3, and they’ll bruise and batter the Broncos but won’t have enough offensive firepower to overcome the Broncos vaunted defense.

Winner: Broncos

 

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers

Coming off of off-season shoulder surgery, Panthers QB Cam Newton has looked rusty thus far. Losing his favorite target, TE Greg Olsen, won’t help, but the New Orleans Saints couldn’t stop a nosebleed.

Winner: Panthers

 

Pittsburgh Steelers at Chicago Bears

The Bears are already in hibernation, and the outcry of Bears fans to throw in rookie QB Mitch Trubisky makes no sense. Do you want your potential franchise QB to get killed and lose confidence?

Winner: Steelers

 

Upset of the Week: Atlanta Falcons at Detroit Lions

This is a “prove it” game for the Lions. Their offense has looked impressive so far behind QB Matt Stafford, and if DE Ziggy Ansah can get to the QB like he did against the Giants (*3 sacks*), the Lions may be for real. The Falcons have yet to display signs of a “Super Bowl Hangover”, but those signs will show come Sunday afternoon.

Upset of the Week Winner: Lions

 

Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts

*Please rise for a moment of silence for all of those stuck watching this game on their local television stations and don’t have NFL Sunday Ticket.*

Winner: Browns

 

Houston Texans at New England Patriots

Texans rookie QB DeShaun Watson looked about as good as once can expect for a rookie starting his first NFL game on a short week. His rushing touchdown against the Bengals was Michael Vick-esque, but starting off his career with back to back road starts won’t boost his confidence, especially behind an offensive line that could really use holdout LT Duane Brown about now.

Winner : Patriots
Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

It’s beyond tempting to take the New York Jets here. The Dolphins are riding high after a win against the Chargers, and Dolphins QB “Smokin” Jay Cutler is due for an awful performance. But remember, J. E. T. S. spells lose.

Winner: Dolphins

 

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles

The Giants are a mess offensively, and QB Eli Manning and head coach Ben McAdoo don’t seem to be getting along. The Eagles put up a valiant effort against the Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium last week and as of now look like the team to beat in the NFC East, but the Giants defense will do just enough to stop the presses in New York for a day.

Winner: Giants

 

Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans

The Titans resembled the team many picked to rise up and become a playoff contender in their 37-16 drubbing of the Jaguars last week, but they’re still not ready for prime time. Yes, the Seahawks have more holes in their offensive lines than Swiss cheese at the moment, but their defense will step-in and lay down the boom in Nashville.

Winner: Seahawks

 

Lock of the Week: Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers

I like Marvin Lewis. But the number of times this man has failed to deliver a true contender in his tenure as head coach has finally taken its toll. Bengals fans are crying for the team to start QB AJ McCarron over QB Andy Dalton, but will that really help matters? The Packers have no QB problems, they have Aaron Rodgers. ‘Nuff said.

Lock of the Week Winner: Packers

 

Kansas City Chiefs at Los Angeles Chargers

The Chargers can’t even sell out their 27,000 seat soccer stadium. The Chargers can’t win close games. Does any of this bode well for them as they prepare to play a team who looks like a Super Bowl contender?

Winner: Chiefs

 

Oakland Raiders at Washington Redskins (Sunday Night Football)

After throwing a block party with 60,000 of his closest friends, Raiders RB Marshawn Lynch has the Raiders buzzing again. They ride into the nation’s capital against a Redskins team with a talented offense led by QB Kirk (*or Kurt?*) Cousins, and will be the first test for the Raiders’ questionable defense.

Winner: Raiders

 

Dallas Cowboys at Arizona Cardinals (Monday Night Football)

What used to be a classic NFC East beat down from 1970 until 2002, the Cowboys and Cardinals meet in a compelling Monday Night Football showdown in the desert. While the Cowboys are young and talented, they’re coming off of their most embarrassing loss of the QB Dak Prescott and Rb Ezekiel Elliott era. The Cardinals may be coming off a win, but they struggled mightily against the Andrew Luck-less Colts. This game could either save or sink either teams’ seasons.

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Winner: Cowboys

Bro-Picks: NFL Week 2 Predictions

Are you ready for some (*week 2*) football?

Week 1 of the 2017 NFL season provided a couple of surprises, namely the New England Patriots looking vulnerable and the Jacksonville Jaguars looking like the 1985 Chicago Bears. It’s only the first game mind you, but that doesn’t mean week 2 of the NFL season won’t have its fair share of tricks up its sleeve.

Last Week: 9-6

Overall: 9-6

Houston Texans at Cincinnati Bengals (Thursday Night Football)

Thursday Night Football, otherwise known as the plague of the earth, makes its unwanted return this week. This week’s snoozer features two teams known as “the kings of almost”, the Bengals and the Texans. Bengals QB Andy Dalton threw 4 interceptions last week, and Texans head coach Bill O’Brien pulled QB Tom Savage in favor of rookie QB DeShaun Watson since Savage is as mobile as a tree stump. Watson will lead the Texans to victory, and questions regarding if Dalton is the answer at QB for the Bengals will be asked more frequently.

Winner: Texans

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens

Had it not been for a blocked punt on their first possession, the Browns might have actually taken down the Steelers last Week. Browns QB DeShone Kizer looked poised considering it was his first career start, while Ravens QB Joe Flacco threw for a measly 171 yards. The Ravens defense is for real, but the Browns will show signs they are a much improved team in defeat.

Winner: Ravens

Buffalo Bills at Carolina Panthers

Bills head coach Sean McDermott faces off against his old team this week, and he’ll really want this win. Despite tossing 2 touchdowns last week, Panthers QB Cam Netwon looked rusty. Facing a tough Bills defense won’t help knock off the rust any faster, but the Bills played the equivalent of a college football team last week against the Jets. Sean McDermott is in for a real test this week.

Winner: Panthers

Arizona Cardinals at Indianapolis Colts

Cardinals RB David Johnson is out 2-3 months due to a wrist injury, not only crushing the hopes and dreams of his fantasy football owners, but also the Cardinal’s chances at contention. QB Carson Palmer looked like 38 year-old QB last week in a loss at the Lions, but they face a Colts team whose QB options are Jacoby Brissett and Scott ‘pick 6’ Tolzien. Maybe the Colts should give Colin Kaepernick a call…

Winner: Cardinals

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jaguars stunned many by crushing the Texans last week. Their defense looked Super Bowl worthy, collecting 10 sacks, and rookie RB Leonard Fournette looks like the real deal. The Titans came out flat against the Raiders last week, but the Jaguars will come crashing down to earth because Blake Bortles is their starting QB. Hey, did Colin Kaepernick take the Colts’ call?

Winner: Titans

Upset of the Week: Philadelphia Eagles at Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs dominated the 4th quarter last week against the defending Super Bowl champion Patriots, and Alex Smith finally discovered the power of throwing the ball down the field after 13 years. Eagles QB Carson Wentz knows of this power, and threw for 307 yards and 2 TDs last week against the Redskins. Without All-Pro S Eric Berry, the Chiefs could be exploited by Wentz.

Upset of the Week Winner: Eagles

New England Patriots at New Orleans Saints

There isn’t enough crow to go around for all the dopes who picked the Patriots to go 19-0 this season. Father time looked like it finally caught up to QB Tom Brady, and the Patriot’s defense looked awful. Luckily, they play the Saints, who also have a near 40 year-old QB in Drew Brees, an even worse defense, and a has been RB in Adrian Peterson who has already started bickering with overrated Saints coach Sean Payton. Not a recipe for success.

Winner: Patriots

Minnesota Vikings at Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers were a blocked punt away from losing to the lowly Browns, and were rescued by Facebook Live’s favorite user, WR Antonio Brown, who had 11 receptions for 182 yards last week. The Vikings looked tremendous last week, as QB Sam Bradford finally played like the number one overall pick. This is going to be a slugfest.

Winner: Steelers

Chicago Bears at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Bears looked better than advertised last week against the NFC champion Falcons. Bears rookie QB Mitch(*ell?*) Trubisky may have to wait a little longer behind current starter Mike Glennon. The Buccaneers on the other hand no thanks to the bumbling NFL begin their stretch of playing 16 straight games due to Hurricane Irma cancelling their week 1 match-up. Buccaneers QB Jameis Winston, who replaced Glennon, will get the better of his former teammate.

Winner: Buccaneers

Miami Dolphins at Los Angeles Chargers

The Dolphins also begin their stretch of playing 16 straight games because of the amazing incompetency of the NFL and Hurricane Irma. Thankfully, they’re playing the Chargers, who will have their home opener in a soccer stadium and find more creative ways to lose, while referees won’t remember which city they play in. By the way, how does being the RB coach of the Bills and a Rex Ryan protégé earn you a head coaching job again?

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Winner: Dolphins

Lock of the Week: New York Jets at Oakland Raiders

The Jets are tanking. The Raiders are Super Bowl contenders.

Lock of the Week Winner: Raiders

Dallas Cowboys at Denver Broncos

The Broncos were in control for much of their game against the Chargers, but needed a freeze the kicker timeout and a blocked field goal to win. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good, but QB Dak Prescott and the Dallas Cowboys both lucky that RB Ezekiel Elliott isn’t suspended (*yet*) and are really good.

Winner: Cowboys

Washington Redskins at Los Angeles Rams

Rams head coach Sean McVay had an impressive debut against the woeful Colts, and *gasp*, QB Jared Goff actually looked halfway competent. McVay will get a chance to stick it to his old team this week, and Redskins QB Kirk (*or is it Kurt?*) Cousins won’t like that.

Winner: Redskins

BONUS Lock of the Week: San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks

Including the playoffs, the 49ers have lost to the Seahawks 7 straight times. The last time they won in Seattle at Century Link Field, Tarvaris Jackson started at QB for the Seahawks. The 49ers looked awful last week, and the Seahawks will want to beat up on the 49ers after looking impotent against the Packers in week 1.

BONUS Lock of the Week Winner: Seahawks

Green Bay Packers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday Night Football)

In a rematch of last year’s NFC Championship game, the Falcon’s Super Bowl Hangover will officially take over. The Packers haven’t been known for their defense the last couple of seasons, but if they play half as well as they did against the Seahawks in week 1, QB Matt Ryan and the Falcons may be in for a long night.

Winner: Packers

Detroit Lions at New York Giants (Monday Night Football)

While the Lion’s offense looked explosive last week, the Giants offense was muted without WR Odell Beckham Jr. There is such a thing as a must win game in week 2, and this is a must win game for the Giants if they want to avoid their season going off the rails before it even starts. And by the way, the new “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme doesn’t need Florida Georgia Line and Jason Derulo. Let ol’ redneck Hank Williams Jr. have the stage all to himself before he makes another ill-advised political comment.

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Winner: Giants

 

Every NFL Team and Division in 3 Words

3 words can tell the entire story.

With the dog days of summer winding down, NFL training camps are officially underway. While most want to jump the gun and predict the NFL season now, let’s start with 3 words to describe every team and every division in the NFL.

AFC North: Beat ’em up.

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Pittsburgh Steelers: Roethlisberger goes diva.

Baltimore Ravens: Binding Flacco contract.

Cincinnati Bengals: Picture of complacency.

Cleveland Browns: Hope? LOL. Nope.

The AFC North is a brutal division, one in which the teams beat each other up so much during the season come playoff time, they’re out of gas. The Steelers are the best team in the division, but Ben Roethlisberger discussing retirement this early smells like trouble. The Ravens will be competitive, but they’d be more competitive if not for QB Joe Facco’s contract. The Bengals never seem to aspire to be better than average, and the Browns are a doormat.

AFC South: First round exit.

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Houston Texans: Won with Osweiler.

Tennessee Titans: Rise of Mariota.

Indianapolis Colts: Out of Luck.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Gag on Coughlin.

The AFC South Division winner has the luxury of hosting a home playoff game and promptly losing. The Texans won with Brock Osweiler at QB, so rookie QB Deshaun Watson could be a step up. The Titans continued progress will depend on the health of QB Marcus Mariota, the Colts can’t continue relying on QB Andrew Luck to be a contender, and the “new look Jaguars” with Tom Coughlin in the front office will continue to be woeful until QB Blake Bortles is deported.

AFC East: Pats stand pat.

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New England Patriots: Please stop winning.

Miami Dolphins: One year wonder.

Buffalo Bills: Sabotaged by Pengulas.

New York Jets: J-E-T-S spells L-O-S-E.

Since 2001, only the Jets in 2002 and Dolphins in 2008 have won the division. The Patriots have nothing to worry about in this cakewalk of a division. The Dolphins won’t be able to replicate last years success, the Bills’ ownership prevents them from being even halfway competent, and the Jets are essentially tanking.

AFC West: Most competitive division.

Oakland Raiders: Just Win Baby.

Kansas City Chiefs: Kings of almost.

Denver Broncos: Mile High controversy.

Los Angeles Chargers: Soccer stadium tenants.

The AFC West is easily the NFL’s most competitive division, as 3 of the 4 teams posted records above .500 last year. The Raiders will want to continue their newfound commitment to excellence all the way to a division title. The Chiefs will sport a good team but aren’t legitimate contenders. The Broncos will be hindered by their QB controversy between Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch, and the Chargers were rewarded for moving to LA LA Land by being tenants in a 30,000 seat soccer stadium.

NFC North: Cold and predictable.

Green Bay Packers: Default division winner.

Minnesota Vikings: Bridge(water) too far.

Detroit Lions: Roar no more.

Chicago Bears: Should’ve ditched Mitch.

The NFC North is known for being a rather chilly division come late October, but its utterly predictable. The overrated, over-hyped, and overblown Packers will win the division. The Vikings need QB Teddy Bridgewater to come back if they have any hope of being a playoff contender. The Lions surprised many last season with a postseason appearance, but that seems unreasonable to expect this season. The Bears were swindled by the 49ers and picked a QB who started 13 games in his collegiate career, it’ll be a cold winter for them.

NFC South: Worst to first.

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Carolina Panthers: Dab strikes back.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Winston’s next step.

Atlanta Falcons: Super Bowl hangover.

New Orleans Saints: The final Brees.

This division always seems to have the worst to first syndrome, where a team that finished in last place the previous year ascends to first place the next. QB Cam Newton and the Panthers will continue this trend, as the dab will strike back. QB Jameis Winston could potentially lead the Bucs into the postseason, the Falcons won’t be over their epic collapse, and the Saints will be looking to move on from QB Drew Brees.

NFC East: Beasts in East.

Dallas Cowboys: Inmates running asylum.

New York Giants: Odell rights ship.

Philadelphia Eagles: Winners of off-season.

Washington Redskins: Kirk or Kurt?

The NFC East is always one of the roughest, toughest divisions in the NFL, and this year will be no different. While the Dallas Cowboys resemble more of a Federal prison than a football team, they’re the best team in the division. Giants WR Odell Beckham Jr. will overcome the ghost of his ill-fated boat trip and have an MVP caliber season. The Eagles impressed many with their off-season acquisitions, but will there be team chemistry? Meanwhile, the Redskins will continue to be petty and mispronounce their overrated QB’s name, Kirk (Kurt?) Cousins.

NFC West: One team matters.

Seattle Seahawks: Winning trumps animosity.

Arizona Cardinals: Gasp for Arians.

Los Angeles Rams: Scoff at Goff.

49ers: Still York owned.

This division has one relevant team. Despite the fact every player on the roster hates QB Russell Wilson, chief among them CB Richard Sherman, the Seahawks’ winning will mask their dysfunction. This season could very well be the Cardinals’ final run at a Super Bowl title. QB Jared Goff of the Rams will prove himself to be one of the biggest Draft Busts ever. Lastly, the 49ers are still owner by Jed York, who hired John Lynch, a former color commentator with no front office experience to be their GM (*Does Matt Millen ring a bell?*). Lynch went on to hire the man who called 5 running plays in the second half of Super Bowl 51 when he was up 28-3, Kyle Shanahan, the spoiled brat son of a tomato (*Mike Shanahan*).